Check in on your introverted friends. They appreciate it.

Photo by Adam Solomon on Unsplash

I’m a pretty introverted gal. I’ve been enjoying my six-foot bubble and my at-home routine. I’m also (stubbornly) independent. For the most part, I prefer to tackle my problems solo, and present the “I’ve got it all together” facade that hides the hot mess underneath. 

So that was my plan when I got laid off at the end of March. Bawl for a day (okay, maybe five), tell only those who needed to know, pull up my big girl panties, and figure it out. Don’t burden anyone who wasn’t directly related to or otherwise sharing quarantine space with me. I didn’t even post it directly on social media, though those who were looking closely spotted it. I didn’t want anyone feeling sorry for me.

(Yes, I did reach out to mentors and professional contacts, but because I could present my situation in a business suit and fancy briefcase instead of the sweatpants and maybe-clean t-shirt that I was feeling, it was different.)

That worked for about a week. After screaming into the job-board void and hearing nothing except “you didn’t even make it past the screeners” automated emails in return, I was starting to question my plan of attack.

After the third week of occupational silence, even my annoying optimism was waning. But solace came from a place I didn’t expect. I linked to a blog post on social media that was a little more obvious about being in the throes of a job search. Soon I had people who were more friends than professional contacts (though still accomplished professionally) reaching out and setting up calls.

These weren’t wallowing, commiserating over a virtual glass of wine calls. They were asking the hard questions about where I planned to go from here and what I was looking for calls. And though most didn’t have immediate job opportunities to point me to, they were phenomenal for my spirit and for thinking through my next steps instead of letting inertia set in.

Now that I’m finally starting to get some traction on my job search and getting through a few screening algorithms, I think back to those check-ins that gave me the nudge just when I needed it.

Yes, of course, send job opportunities to friends and former co-workers who you know are looking right now. But more importantly, just check in. Let them talk through their job search broadly and help them communicate their goals and values. Yes, it’s awkward because you might be doing alright while talking with a friend who isn’t. But that’s okay.

I’m usually promoting the hand-written note, which is always appreciated, but during this time, send a text or a LinkedIn message. If you can stand another video call, those are great, too. Finally, my friend Jennifer also has some great tips on being there for others during this very, very strange time.